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Breezy Bits by Bliz

In Memory of John Douglas Blizzard, Sr.

Dad coined the term, "Breezy Bits," for his newspaper column. Our family often referred to anyone's humorous comment as a breezy bit.

A feature story published in The News and Courier, Charleston, SC, gave this description of Doug Blizzard's writing. "Dillon Herald Editor, J. D. Blizzard, is one of the Pee Dee Basin's most quoted writers. Mr. Blizzard's 'Breezy Bits by Bliz' is a combination of wit and satire. A sampling of the Blizzard column includes a potpourri ranging from a stab at high taxes to a debate over the legitimacy of the locust's claim to kinship with the grasshopper."

Many of his "Breezy Bits" were featured in The Industrial Press Service.

My dad is Doug Blizzard, - often called Bliz. He was editor of The Dillon Herald, Dillon, SC. Excerpts from his column, "Breezy Bits by Bliz," are used on this web site with permission from the newspaper. If you want to use them, please contact The Dillon Herald in Dillon, SC, and send me an email about it.

He passed away in 1965. Only items of current relevance are included on this web site. Many "Breezy Bits" are as funny or relevant today as they were originally. They appeared in The Dillon Herald while he was editor and in The Latta News & Observer while he was the owner, editor, publisher, etc. of the newspaper in Latta, SC. Dillon and Latta are small towns in northeastern South Carolina about 60 miles from Myrtle Beach, SC.

In 1980, my mother put many of his editorials and "Breezy Bits" into a book. This has been a treasure which I'm glad to share via the Net. My husband and I haven't lived in Dillon since 1967. Mother moved to Fayetteville, NC, in 1972. She passed away in 1995. On return visits, Dillon still seems a lot like home.
Site Index or return to Breezy Bits by Betsy

Here are a few "Breezy Bits by Bliz."

    Reading proof on an editorial, I found that my fingers on the typewriter keyboard had birthed an appropriate new word: "givernment."

    Oh, for the good old days when "fallout" was nothing more serious than a tiff with your light o' love!

    Biggest objection I see to selling U.S. wheat to Russia is that we probably would also give them the money to pay for it. This is Yankee shrewdness, M-1963.

    I wonder if we aren't a little bit pushy in all our efforts to land on distant planets without an invitation. Apparently, celestial visitors who come our way in flying saucers don't like what they see. They keep on going.

"Breezy Bits" were not titled. However, to help today's readers
spot topics of interest, I added titles and dates to the following ones.


IRS -- November 1962
    The IRS announces an Income Tax Clinic to be held in Columbia. Most of us are not interested in it unless it is to be a reducing clinic.

Keep Christmas Merry -- December 1963
    The way the newspapers, radio, and television are full of warnings against holiday thieves, you gradually get the notion that you'd better keep your mouth shut tight during Christmas or you might lose the filling from your teeth. It's not quite that bad but it's bad enough. While on this cynical note, let's parody a popular ditty:

    Pass the word to John and Mary,
    Tra la la la la la la la la,
    'Tis the season to be wary,
    Tra la la la la la la la la,
    Guard your wad and lock your auto,
    Tra la la la la la la la la,
    Else your Christmas may be blotto,
    Tra la la la la la la la la.

Keeping Cool -- July 1959
    Here's a tip from the plush Dillon County motels that boast their own swimming pools. Taking advantage of shark scares in coastal waters, they're advertising, "Shark - Free Pools."

Sources -- January 1960
         Every now and then somebody wants to know: "Where do you get those Breezy Bits from?" Well, it's kinda hard to answer that one. They just pop into your head when you note an amusing twist to something you see or hear.
         Like when the steam pipes started clanging the other night while Bobby McDonald (concert pianist) had his audience spellbound and you make a mental note to paragraph: "The Anvil Chorus wasn't on Bobby's program. That was some spontaneous improvision by the heating system."
         Like when you're waiting for the news to come on the radio at breakfast and your ears are bombarded by a song about G. Washington tossing a dollar across the river, and you quip to the wife, "Those old boys weren't such supermen, after all. So Georgie threw a buck across the Rappanhannock River, eh? Shux! Ike throws billions of bucks across the Atlantic Ocean without working up a sweat."

-- June 1958 --

LA NUIT NEAR-BLANK

I saw a saucer sailing,
A-sailing in the sky,
With noise like banshee wailing,
And lights that hurt the eye.

Unearthly apparition
From boundless outer space!
Some liquid, cool nutrition,
I poured into my face.

The lights became more dazzling
The antics more bizarre.
I knew my nerves were frazzling
O'er this visit from a star.

Almost, I saw green midgets
Stare down as I looked up.
To sooth my nervous figits,
I just grabbed another cup.

The more I sipped my tonic,
The surer did I get
That my traveler supersonic
Was not an earthly jet!

If helicopters bore you,
There's a vision if you snatch it.
There's a flying saucer for you
If you have the cup to match it.


BAD DRIVER IS KILLER!!! -- September 1964

Got your new auto license tag yet? Well, Mary Arnette says there is no rush on at the Highway Dept. Office on East Main Street. You can get your new tags with practically no waiting if you bring along your registration form properly filled out including liability insurance information.

Mary has had so much idle time on her hands recently she whiled away an hour by penning the following rhyme.


"Thou shalt not kill," with gun or knife.
‘Tis sin to take another's life!
‘Tis also sin you will agree
To murder with a Mercury.

I think it would offend the Lord
To kill a fellow with a Ford.
The same applies, I think you'll say,
To slaying with a Chevrolet.

‘Twould prove that love for man you lack
To hit him with a Pontiac.
So drive with common sense and care
Your Tempest, Falcon, or Corvair.

These instructions include all
The foreign makes, however small.
It's a sin to murder with a car:
Fiat, Rolls-Royce, or Jaguar.

Thou shalt not hot-rod, drag, or peel
While sitting at thy steering wheel.
Excessive speeds thou shalt avoid
Lest thou and others be destroyed.

And when thou meetest in the night,
Another car, dim then thy light.
Whether thou drivest night or day,
The traffic safety rules obey.

Thou shalt not pass on curve or hill;
This is the law! "Thou shalt not kill!"


Electric Blanket -- March 1960
    This is too good to suppress. A Dillon couple observed their 25th anniversary last week and their children presented them with a fine electric blanket which had dual controls and everything. 'Twas a cold, cold night and the room got colder and colder. SHE felt the need for more warmth and turned the control on her bedside table up a notch. Pretty soon, HE awoke and was conscious of being a little too warm so he turned his down a notch. A little later, SHE turned on more heat and HE reduced the reading on his side. Intermittently, through the night, this went on till HER control was turned on full and HIS was completely off. When they discovered that the controls had been crossed and were installed opposite from the right way -- SHE was frozen and I was medium rare.

Frog Story -- December 1961
    Fishermen aren't the only sportsmen prone to err in their favor when estimating the size of a catch. Here's a lad back from a frog-gigging foray telling of bringing home a bullfrog that weighed "about" ten pounds.

Dressed for the Part -- February 1961
    I like to dress sloppily and comfortably for the hours I devote to what passes for work but really is fun, but I sometimes wonder if I'm not carrying it too far when I can't put on a coat and tie without having people ask me, "Where is the funeral?" or "Hey Bliz, where ya gonna preach today?"

Taxes -- November 1961
    The laborer of a day not too long ago would have been glad to find IN his pay envelope as much as his grandson now finds withheld FROM it.

Citizen's Arrest? -- December 1958
    That Latta lady knew her ordinances, having served on the Town Council once upon a time, and she didn't hesitate to read the riot act to a stranger who ran his car across the carefully nurtured parkway that runs down the center of Latta's East Main Street in the residential section. She was somewhat mollified when the offender apologized and promised not to do it again, especially when he identified himself as an FBI agent chasing the bank robber that put Latta in the headlines.

    (This Latta lady was his sister, Lib McCreight. He didn't mention her name in the paper but in the small town, everyone soon knew.)


Strom -- November 1961
    There's a certain amount of danger involved in naming schools in honor of living politicians. If our junior senator were up for re-election this year it wouldn't be very comforting to him to hear a couple of thousand folks from Lake View and elsewhere in Dillon County piling into Camden Friday night shouting, "Beat Strom Thrumond!"

    J. Strom Thurmond lived from 1902-2003. He had the following positions: South Carolina Senate 1933-1938; Governor of South Carolina 1947-1951; and United States Senate 1954-2003.

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